Tomorrow I leave San Francisco. If I have my way, it's for good. Actually if I had my way I'd spend three months each in San Diego, San Francisco, New York, and some rotating international city. A friend suggested that she was worried for me because I was becoming too attached to not being attached. Prompted by something undefinable and probably small, I flee at the slightest bored/boxed in feeling. Another friend asked when I would stop running. "Running from what?" I said. "You tell me," she replied.
I don't have anything to run away from. I don't have anything to run toward either. I'm just over the Bay. The much touted food is hit and miss, the hum of creative culture is here but it's both too big and too small, and the rhythm of what I'm willing to do has gotten too stagnant. The only thing that has kept me around has been my friends. The old ones who I knew before, if only nominally in some cases. And the new ones I had hoped to meet. While I haven't met too many people up here, there's definitely been a handful whom I've met and built relationships with. Those friendships will carry on but it's taken a good year and a half to befriend maybe five people? I could stick around and do it all again but the wheels are spinning and I want to get off this particular ride before the next cycle starts.
When I moved here last spring ("For awhile," I declared), it only ended up being for three months. Right on cue I scurried home mid-summer in order to soak in sun and surf, but then found myself back up here for another two months. Come October I was drawn back south again, after all my SF book and organization obligations were over.
During the past two years I've split almost equal time between the two cities, never fully committing to either. Through the graciousness of my mom and my sister, I've been rent free -- except for a brief stint in the Mission. I've generally been able to do what I want, when I want, and say "yes" or "no" on a whim. It's been a cushy lifestyle and it's still rolling albeit with yet another psuedo end in sight.
Another friend suggested that I get the best by constantly zipping into and out of places. He was initially referring to a mutual friend, who always receives "he's back!" priority and excitement upon his infrequent returns to San Diego. This leads, over time, to an expectation that when he comes home, everyone drops everything to hang out with him. I thought about it a moment and agreed. That's when my friend said, "You probably do that too."
I disagreed.
Taking the example of a certain globetrotting friend (who actually globe trots versus coastal trots), it often feels like she's everywhere at once even though she's never actually where you think she is. You know the locations she's most likely to be but never exactly when. The feeling generated is one of being slightly available even if perpetually out of reach. With an unpredictable frequency and the appropriate length of stay, I too hope to achieve this on a life level.
There'd be no time to get sick of me if I keep flying around right? I'd be like a friend salesman, travelling around, gathering rapid reward points, bringing good tidings and occasional holiday cheer. Too bad the Internet is so prevalent now otherwise I'd also be quite valuable as a gossip courier.
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