First Thing We Need To Do

The best part about meeting friend's whatevers is evaluating them, am I right? Now we've been known to be harsh/asshole judgers, but is it really that hard to be personable for one evening? People have accused us of being overly critical but if somebody can't pull their shit together to be nice for an hour, I'm out!

As self appointed captain of the "we hate you" club, I am often channeling all the shit for others. Even if I personally may like someone, I am easily fired up to character assassinate them. It's a calling. And let me point out that it's usually a boyfriend. For some reason males have a real hard time being nice. So bonus points for having a boyfriend who puts in a bit of an effort. Reasons we have hated on people in the past:

• Wearing douchey t-shirts ("I fake it too.")
• Being sullen, why come along if you're just going to be annoyed?
• Busting out in native tongue when they are horrible at it
• Being real boring, looking visibly bored, especially if it's the first time meeting people
• Attempting to pay for the table when they don't know anyone
• Trying too hard to be cool, or trying to talk down to people
• Digging around in the fridge/cupboard for food, uninvited
• Bringing along three/five/more wack friends
• Bad tweet / social media game
• Silent, never saying a single thing, yet they are taking up valuable space for the RSVP
• Constant drama, the significant other that always drags your friend away for a "talk"
• Unable to take a little joking, especially when it's not about them
• "The Whisperer," can't say anything out loud, thus making our friend the spokesperson

As you can see, the list can go on and on. Mostly at this point in life, we're just happy for our friends to have found somebody. There's a lot of leeway given for personal preference and "oh they just look happy." But if you can't bring a C+ game to the table, or show some effort for your significant other's close friends, see ya! Hate hate hate.

Please give me any specific reasons you, or your group of friends have hated significant others in the past. I'm collecting anecdotes. It's for an upcoming piece, I swear. Plus I want to hear about other people's judge-y stories.

In other news, great long weekend! Aside from finding a boba place in midtown that serves a special drink called "three guys" -- boba, pudding and grass jelly -- I jumped around from place to place, each time ending up happy and full. I celebrated a three month milestone by ringing it in with Before Midnight. As I have a very strong emotional attachment to the series, I had a few rules about watching it. I needed to see it with as few people in the theater as possible, I could only watch it with die hard Before Sunrise fans, and I needed to watch it asap to prevent spoilers. Somehow all those qualifications were fulfilled, mainly by stepping into an almost midnight showing way up at Lincoln Center.

I can't say anything about the actual film, because my views would taint other people's viewing of it. But if you've seen it, please let's talk about it. The Before movies only come every nine years, and this could be the last. In fact, I kind of hope it's the last.

On Sunday, we started off at Pam's pig roast in Williamsburg and then scurried over to Bed-Stuy for Rub-a-Grub, a party DJed by Ali Shaheed Muhammed, of ATCQ and Lucy Pearl fame. Needless to say, it was a great time. If this is the new high bar for a summer dance party, then it might be all downhill from here. While the Do or Dine backyard was small, it was perfectly sized for a crowd that was packed but not too much. By the end, we had moved to the back to dance on chairs and tables. I'm really hoping Brooklyn outdoor parties will be the theme of the summer.

I recently downloaded Bobbito's streetball documentary, Doin' It In the Park. It's not good general audience fare -- unlike, say,  Beats, Rhymes, and Life, which everyone should see -- but for basketball junkies, this thing is a must view. Tell me if you're interested in watching it, I have a copy.

Two weekends ago, I got up to a gym in Chelsea. Finding a free indoor gym in New York is next to impossible, so I was delighted to get invited. When we moved to Jersey City, I told Linda to sign the lease immediately, sight unseen, as soon as she told me there was an indoor (half-)court. This court was only the size of a wide hallway, which meant that there was only room for two on two, and a very tight two on two at that.

I haven't touched a basketball since December so it was a struggle. I wore my Chucks, which quickly tore blisters onto my feet. I believe I even fell down trying to post up, when my ankle buckled. It was an inglorious beginning to my basketball season. I hope I'll be invited back, but if not I'm gonna have to take my game to the streets. By which I mean the bench.

We'll Always Have Summer

A few years ago, a friend and I, in an attempt to stay in touch once she moved cross country, kept a photo diary that was just random images from our day. No organization, no commentary, just a quick glimpse. Considering we're both horrible at keeping in touch, this was our shared solution. We did pretty good too, going strong for three months and keeping the site alive for about six. It ended when I moved to New York that winter.

Now along comes Days, a iPhone app for doing exactly what we did: using photos to stay in touch. What's the difference between this and say, Instagram? I think it's more a culture thing. Days prevents you from retouching your photos, it's supposed to simply be a record of events. It's supposed to be ugly (and probably boring) by design. I would have scoffed at such an idea if I didn't have that blogging experience with my friend. I mean, who really needs another photo app to document your life? Between Facebook, Instagram, Path, etc. it's more often you'll see three versions of the same photo. With Twitter for little thoughts and links, you could hypothetically know more about someone just by following all their shit online than actually seeing them.

Which is, in a way, what I expect people to do. I've recently discovered that I'm pretty bad at keeping people in the loop. I dislike catching up, I can't stand recapping stuff, I don't know how to fill friends in. But without those things, you can't really move forward I guess. Generally I just assume that if someone cares, they can check out my blog, my moblog, whatevers. Really, who has time for the minutiae of people's lives? I can barely keep track of what I've done, much less stay up to date on the lives of the people around me.

But that means you're also missing out, I guess. The minutiae is what bonds people, not to mention it often tends to yield the more interesting stuff. Unlike me, my friend has a friendship model where she's in constant contact with her close friends. I'm basically in zero contact with my close friends. I've generally always been that way. My top five friends from college and on, I'd probably see most of them once or twice a year, at most. And speak with them on the phone about as often.

Actually, for most of my twenties, my current roommate was one of those top five people, and now that we're in close proximity, we see each other only in passing. Our first excursion together into the city was two weeks ago. This after living here for six months. And we're both great with that. Different models, different ways of being close. Although it could be argued that not knowing what's going on could be construed as not that close. A debate for another time.

The friend I did the blog with, I haven't even seen since being in New York, despite being separated by a mere five miles or so. Maybe we need to get on Days.

• Days app review
• Day One App
• Why To Journal & Why Day One (2013)

In early April, after our skateboarding session in Central Park, JMZ and I went to pick up Jenn at her work place on the Upper West Side. Hungry for a bite, we parked at a wine bar in Midtown and then proceeded to chat up a wonderful lady who wowed us with her verve for life. She looked forty, was sixty, and did New York like it's supposed to be done. She ran NYC's events marketing, her daughter was just off to college, and her social life never slowed throughout the decades. An inspiration to all.

After about an hour or so, her dinner friend arrived and the five of us had a good time chatting it up while the rain poured outside. We hit it off so well that Rachel invited us to her house for dinner. Apparently Rachel and her husband did a dinner party each month where they invited ten semi-friends or near strangers. It was a thing to meet new people, and to eat good food. That "D.I.N.N.E.R." happened a few weekends ago, as the three of us trekked up to Harlem.

Strangely, despite how often I've hung out with JMZ and Jenn, we've never really done the social thing as a trio before. Mostly I'd say it worked out well, and the dinner was fun and a good experience. Our hosts were tremendous and they showed us their art works and projects. Having a house gathering in New York seems like such a novelty, but perhaps only to my personal sphere. I guess you can't really invite people over for dinner unless you cook…and have the space for it. Rachel's apartment had a big round dinner table that seated everyone, which was impressive by New York standards.

Another night, I was talking to my other friend about how we'd like to switch over some friends. Not friend dump per se, but like a culling. New people, new perspectives, new conversations. I've been feeling this way for awhile, and had been waiting for summer -- when people come out to play -- to implement this. My friend and I compared it to adding a new wardrobe for the season. Out with the old, in with the new. This may seem shallow, but it's really more about shaking things up, or being a bit tired of it all.

In June I'm headed to a wedding in Vegas, followed by a short sprint in San Diego, and a very short jaunt up to San Francisco for Camp Grounded. The latter is a "summer camp for adults." Then it's back to New York to fully enjoy summer. The weather is still not shorts ready yet, but soon it will be.

New York is about to start its bike sharing program and I have visions of myself zipping around as I drink lots of calamansi juice. Calamansi is my new non-alcoholic drink of the summer. I don't know how my Filipinos have failed me, since not one of them have ever told me about calamansi juice. I'm hoping Jamba starts incorporating it into their lineup soon. And courtesy of Amit, my alcoholic drink of the summer is Grey Goose and soda, with a splash of pineapple. It's appropriately called "The Amit."

Oh yeah, I had a book come out last week. I'd nearly forgotten about it. It's ghostwritten so I'll be flogged for publicly revealing the title. The cover is shiny and pretty to touch. Seven years, three books. I'm on a roll. Clearly.

Ring the Alarm

The other day, AMR blogged about his first cell phone. I thought I had to do the same, as everyone knows my cell phone is closer to me than most humans are. A mobile phone has been my loyal companion through more than thirteen years of friendships, and contributed mightily to my personhood. In all that time, I've never lost a cell phone, never dropped one in a toilet, and only got one stolen recently. Not bad right?

If you've ever seen my phone, it's always kept in immaculate condition, with a case -- sometimes two, the "double bag method" -- to protect it. Call me anal, call me paranoid, I just don't like to risk my phone's well being. Also, I can't have any liquids near my phone. The number one cause of cell phone damage is from being left out on top of a table. Or taking it to the bathroom. I'm sure of it. As AMR was helping me hunt down old cell phone photos, he hypothesized that we were having a hard time because most of our photos during a certain era were taken during eating sessions, or the poker table -- where beer and snacks were plentiful -- and my phone was safely tucked away.

I was also looking for photos of my notorious array of cell phone belt holders, but they are nowhere to be seen either. I think it's all the baggy clothes worn during the mid-2000s. I should probably be thankful for those oversized t-shirts. No evidence remains of my clear fashion faux pas. A few years ago, we did a peer-to-peer fashion evaluation poll and a comment I received was, "Ditch the cell phone carrier." Thank you friends, duly noted.

What follows is my history of cell phones. As you'll see, I never went in for the phones that flipped, or had external antennas. Also, I liked nothing better than to swap out phone covers. I thought a cell phone cover spoke a lot about a person. Do I still? Probably.

Nokia 5110 (AUG 1999)
Entering senior year at Michigan, I was one of the last kids around to get a cell phone. I think I was still just really attached to my white pager. The first weekend back at school, I got a phone call from my friend in the middle of the night. Somehow she knew my number even though I hadn't memorized it yet. They were drunk and needed some help. I walked down a few blocks to the post-party and somehow successfully carried a girl out of a basement and then back to our apartment. I banged her head a few times, I'm sure of it. To this day, this stands as the most heroic and manly thing I've ever done. All hail, cell phone.

The 5110 stayed with me for many years, finally succumbing to battery death. It started off encased in orange but I eventually threw on some blue Hawaiian flowers. You know, to be Californian. Also, this phone had some reception issues, if I recall. I had to buy thin booster strips off eBay and stick them behind the battery.

Nokia 3595 (MAR 2004)
On an old blog, I covered the transition from the 5110 to 3595 in some detail. This side photo is an actual image of my phone, scuffed on the case, and with an important hack on the screen: a Calvin background. For some reason, this is the only phone I have with photos of it in the wild.

The case initially was just another version of my previous blue Hawaiian flowers, but then I transitioned to this fish phone cover that had colorful clown fish all over it. Some called it ugly, I called it strategy. My philosophy was that the brighter the phone, the harder it would be to lose. After I moved on from the Nokia, AMR used my fish phone case for awhile. Somehow neither of us have photos of that cover. Clearly we were slacking.

Here's a fun story. On the 3595, you could assign icons to show up when a particular person called. A coffee cup, a head, a digitized house, a flower, etc. I asked my then girlfriend which one she wanted to be. She picked the daisy. Then I assigned the rest of the icons to my other frequently dialed numbers. One day, my (female) best friend called and what did my girlfriend see next to her name? A heart. Cue explosion! I tried to use some form of defense that she could have chosen the heart but since she didn't, I had to assign it to someone else.

You can imagine how well that explanation worked.
Also, speed dial was a big issue. In my head, I had this whole hierarchy of who was where on the speed dial. #1 was voicemail, #2 was someone more important than #3, and so on. Except for #5, I reasoned that since that was the middle of the dial pad, that's where I should stick the person I spoke to the most. Needless to say, that was not my girlfriend. My friend Meesh's number was lodged permanently at #5 on all my phones.

Sidekick 2 (OCT 2004)
Ever since the original Danger Hiptop came out, I had lusted after it. AMR was ahead of me and got the original but when T-Mobile finally got the Hiptop, I was ready to jump aboard. Rebranded "Sidekick," this phone was way ahead of its time. Internet access, a fantastic keyboard, the ability to chat with people on AIM, it was the best! (Danger also created personalized sites for its users, called a "hip logs," for photos. That became the precursor to our moblogs.)

This awesome technological breakthrough allowed me to text and talk at the same time. Since the buttons were so tactile and perfectly placed, I trained myself to talk to someone in front of me while at the same time chatting or texting. People around me loved it, I'm sure.

At the height of my Sidekick use, I was texting my friend like a hundred times a day. She had to up her cell phone plan because we texted so often. Obviously, my girlfriend (a different one) wasn't as big of a fan of my Sidekick. Of the contributing factors to our eventual breakup, I would say the Sidekick ranked in the top three. She threatened to break it more than once.

iPhone (2007)
Finally, the promised land. AMR and I had been tracking the iPhone for some time, and when the time came to buy one, I didn't hesitate. Well, I didn't hesitate on the buying, but I didn't open the box until a week or so later. After all, paying $600 for a cell phone seemed slightly ridiculous. But when a friend asked to buy my unopened phone for her boyfriend's birthday, I panicked and ripped the box open. Mine, mine!

I had some initial gripes about the iPhone but those were quickly washed away. Since then I've upgrade twice -- 3GS and 5 -- and am loyal for life. Until they can implant a cell phone in my head or something. Then I'll switch. That original iPhone went on to have a happy second life, as I bequeathed it to my technologically backward friend. She had my music and contacts on there long after it was hers.

There are no stories about how the iPhone impacted my relationships, because I was single throughout its reign. Sorry, no passive aggressive instances of mobile phone use to kill relationships here. I'm so mobile phone mature now.

Ways and Means: Apr

After three months of freewheeling spending, April would be the first month under the new regime. Budget Club has moved from a tracking and studying operation into an implementation one. Luckily I was ready for this day. For example, I lowered my overall budget by 10%, stayed right in line with my dining, play, and grocery budgets, and even kept miscellaneous to a bare minimum. So how did I somehow vault to over 200% of my budget?

Two things: vacations and shopping. Let's address the first one. While I understand that travelling is part of any well manicured budget, I don't think it can be rightly accounted for here, as the huge expense of a trip will obviously skew any monthly expenditures. For example, if I exempted money spent on a recent jaunt to Puerto Rico and the airline tickets for June that I just bought, I would only be 133% over my April budget. That's a real win and keeps me within my downward trend.

Instead, that extra $1000 or so jacks up my well laid plans to shit. My fellow budget clubbers don't see the logic of this, so I have to include the travel numbers. For the record though, April was a banner month, as I (mostly) saved across the board.

The only other thing that threw me off was early April discovery of skateboarding. What should have been a cheap transportation option turned quickly into a shopping spree, as I bought three skateboards in the span of a few days, before even knowing how to properly ride one. I caught the skateboarding bug and my credit card suffered.

An impromptu foray to into deep Brooklyn yielded a $10 deck but that had to be complemented by new wheels. Newsflash: Skateboards are no longer cheap. JMZ and I split some new wheels, bearings, and risers to the tune of $60. Then, after one ride in Central Park, I decided the cheapo board wasn't good enough. So I went on Amazon and purchased this beauty for $35. Then since we were on such a skateboard high, I got JMZ a nice little cruiser board for $85 on eBay. That was in exchange for some beautiful harem pants he brought back to me from China. One must skate in style, after all.

So far, I have been skateboarding four times and what I've learned is that I want fatter wheels and stiffer trucks. On my second ride around Central Park, the board started wobbling hard when I gained speed downhill, and I thought I was surely going to die. The wheels and trucks will likely add $50 to the total skateboarding bill, but I think not dying is probably priceless. Maybe I should also invest in a helmet.

For May, the goal is to cut down every extra expenditure and get to 100% of less of the budget. Also, AMR introduced me to this blog, Mr. Money Mustache, about a guy who retired in his early thirties and shares his techniques for living a full and sustainable lifestyle. All for under $30k a year too. The site's tagline is "Early Retirement Through Badassity," which sounds semi-douchey -- and it is -- but Mr. Money is chilling in Colorado while the rest of us are slogging on with no end in sight. He's clearly doing something right.

I don't think I'd have the fortitude to do what Mr. Money does. ("Fortitude" is probably not the right word.) I mean, it seems like saving money is his number one hobby, and that would just make for some boring conversations. Then again, I can't shut up about Budget Club to people, so maybe I'm going down the same black hole. If we're hanging out, feel free to tell me to shut my trap about my overspending ways. Then I'll regale you with skateboarding stories instead.

• ATM Visits: Six times, no fees
• Dining out: Twenty four times, high of $80
• Cabs: Seventeen
• Shopping: Skateboard x 3, Ninja Sox, earrings, X-Men poster, thrift shop shirt, Old Navy shorts, shirt, and sandals, three books
• Play: Four movies, Tween Dweam Party, two nights out, one karaoke session
• Biggest expenses: Flights ($630), vacation spending ($250), skateboard ($85), dinner, ($80), dinner ($75)