First Thing We Need To Do

The best part about meeting friend's whatevers is evaluating them, am I right? Now we've been known to be harsh/asshole judgers, but is it really that hard to be personable for one evening? People have accused us of being overly critical but if somebody can't pull their shit together to be nice for an hour, I'm out!

As self appointed captain of the "we hate you" club, I am often channeling all the shit for others. Even if I personally may like someone, I am easily fired up to character assassinate them. It's a calling. And let me point out that it's usually a boyfriend. For some reason males have a real hard time being nice. So bonus points for having a boyfriend who puts in a bit of an effort. Reasons we have hated on people in the past:

• Wearing douchey t-shirts ("I fake it too.")
• Being sullen, why come along if you're just going to be annoyed?
• Busting out in native tongue when they are horrible at it
• Being real boring, looking visibly bored, especially if it's the first time meeting people
• Attempting to pay for the table when they don't know anyone
• Trying too hard to be cool, or trying to talk down to people
• Digging around in the fridge/cupboard for food, uninvited
• Bringing along three/five/more wack friends
• Bad tweet / social media game
• Silent, never saying a single thing, yet they are taking up valuable space for the RSVP
• Constant drama, the significant other that always drags your friend away for a "talk"
• Unable to take a little joking, especially when it's not about them
• "The Whisperer," can't say anything out loud, thus making our friend the spokesperson

As you can see, the list can go on and on. Mostly at this point in life, we're just happy for our friends to have found somebody. There's a lot of leeway given for personal preference and "oh they just look happy." But if you can't bring a C+ game to the table, or show some effort for your significant other's close friends, see ya! Hate hate hate.

Please give me any specific reasons you, or your group of friends have hated significant others in the past. I'm collecting anecdotes. It's for an upcoming piece, I swear. Plus I want to hear about other people's judge-y stories.

In other news, great long weekend! Aside from finding a boba place in midtown that serves a special drink called "three guys" -- boba, pudding and grass jelly -- I jumped around from place to place, each time ending up happy and full. I celebrated a three month milestone by ringing it in with Before Midnight. As I have a very strong emotional attachment to the series, I had a few rules about watching it. I needed to see it with as few people in the theater as possible, I could only watch it with die hard Before Sunrise fans, and I needed to watch it asap to prevent spoilers. Somehow all those qualifications were fulfilled, mainly by stepping into an almost midnight showing way up at Lincoln Center.

I can't say anything about the actual film, because my views would taint other people's viewing of it. But if you've seen it, please let's talk about it. The Before movies only come every nine years, and this could be the last. In fact, I kind of hope it's the last.

On Sunday, we started off at Pam's pig roast in Williamsburg and then scurried over to Bed-Stuy for Rub-a-Grub, a party DJed by Ali Shaheed Muhammed, of ATCQ and Lucy Pearl fame. Needless to say, it was a great time. If this is the new high bar for a summer dance party, then it might be all downhill from here. While the Do or Dine backyard was small, it was perfectly sized for a crowd that was packed but not too much. By the end, we had moved to the back to dance on chairs and tables. I'm really hoping Brooklyn outdoor parties will be the theme of the summer.

I recently downloaded Bobbito's streetball documentary, Doin' It In the Park. It's not good general audience fare -- unlike, say,  Beats, Rhymes, and Life, which everyone should see -- but for basketball junkies, this thing is a must view. Tell me if you're interested in watching it, I have a copy.

Two weekends ago, I got up to a gym in Chelsea. Finding a free indoor gym in New York is next to impossible, so I was delighted to get invited. When we moved to Jersey City, I told Linda to sign the lease immediately, sight unseen, as soon as she told me there was an indoor (half-)court. This court was only the size of a wide hallway, which meant that there was only room for two on two, and a very tight two on two at that.

I haven't touched a basketball since December so it was a struggle. I wore my Chucks, which quickly tore blisters onto my feet. I believe I even fell down trying to post up, when my ankle buckled. It was an inglorious beginning to my basketball season. I hope I'll be invited back, but if not I'm gonna have to take my game to the streets. By which I mean the bench.