Dunk On Everything

J.J. Barea ends most of his tweets with "coqui." I've been Googling to find out what he means by that. Technically the coqui is a tiny frog found in Barea's native Puerto Rico. Barely an inch long, the males of the species blurt out "ko-kee, ko-kee" from dusk till dawn. Of course, "coqui" is also used as a slang for cocaine. Somehow I doubt that's what Barea is referring to -- at least publicly. The most logical theory is that Barea's nickname back home is "coqui" and so he signs off with it for everything. Now I will watch every Timberwolves game thinking of Barea as a little frog. It's pretty fitting if you've seen him play.

Other great animal related NBA nicknames: Dennis "The Worm" Rodman, John "Spider" Salley, Craig "Rhino" Smith, Kevin "Durantula" Durant, Billy "Kangaroo Kid" Cunningham, Chris "Birdman" Anderson, Larry "Legend" Bird. (Note that Bird was nicknamed "Legend" while he was still playing, that's how good he was.) I also like to think that Daniel Gibson's nickname, "Boobie," is a reference to the seabird, although it's not.

Worst animal related NBA nickname: Kobe "Black Mamba" Bryant. He gave himself the nickname because he admired the way the snake can "strike with 99 percent accuracy at maximum speed, in rapid succession." And not because he watched Kill Bill, obviously. Robert Rodriguez was kind enough to sacrifice himself on the altar of dorkdom to direct a short film about Kobe as The Black Mamba. If Kobe wasn't so damn good, he'd get laughed off the court for such a lame nickname. Actually, if Kobe wasn't so damn good he'd be such a dork right? Whatever, he's totally a dork anyway. And I mean that in every deragatory way possible.

Even worse, Kobe's dumb nickname influenced his former teammate Trevor Ariza's even dumber nickname. If you knew Ariza's nickname was "Cobra," you're a much bigger NBA fan than I am. Considering his career 43.3 FG%, and his pathetic season last year, that nickname is incredibly inept. Unless cobras are much less deadly than I had previously thought.

I think we can all agree that historically, the best animal related NBA nickname ever was Bill Mlkvy's, aka "The Owl Without A Vowel." We just finished drafting for my fantasy basketball league. Can you tell how excited I am for the season to start?

And now onto post-basket celebrations. I was reading about Peja Stojakovic's retirement and found out what his three finger salute means. I had seen Dirk Nowitzki do it after big shots, and culturally informed by the bar scene in Inglorious Basterds, just assumed that's how the Germans signaled "three." Instead, I found out that the three finger salute is used by ethnic Serbs, represented in the NBA by Stojakovic, current Celtic Sasha Pavlovic, the immortal Darko Milicic, and long retired Vlade Divac.

"The symbol is associated with the Serbian Orthodox Christian Church, and experts say it represents the Christian Trinity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But, through decades of ethnic strife, the gesture took on a nationalist meaning. It is also associated with the 'Three Cs,' from the nationalist slogan 'Only Unity Will Save the Serb.' It became used as a threatening weapon, an 'in your face' gesture aimed at terrorizing non-Serbs.
-Vlade's three finger salute (2003)-

All that symbolism and now Lamar Odom does it after his three pointers because it's cool and his teammates do it. Don't you love sports? My favorite post-basket celebration remains Quentin Richardson and Darius Miles' from back in the day. After scoring they'd head down the court tugging on antennas on their heads. It could be interpreted in so many ways. My thought on it was they were indicating their otherworldly talents by pointing out their (invisible) alien appendages. The move was popular enough to be featured in a Nike commercial. Yes, D.Miles and Q.Richardson had a Nike commercial. I'm in shock too.

My Celtics don't really have a chance this season. They struck out on Chris Paul. They didn't get David West. They lost Jeff Green. At best they'll challenge the Heat for a few games in the playoffs and then bow out. I'm so worried. I'm so hopeful. This run as contenders has lasted much longer than anyone could have rationally predicted, so I shouldn't wish for more. But sometimes I wake up and am convinced I live in a world where the Celtics didn't lose Game 7 to the Lakers. This is a reality for me, until I remember that terrible day in 2010 and have to crawl out of bed and go on with the rest of my life. Sigh.

• Everyone in the NBA Needs to Fear 'The Rondo'
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• Diaries of a go-to move: Paul Pierce’s step back jumper

And here is the greatest basketball related rap song ever: Heavy D's "Jam Session," featuring a pre-Ready to Die Notorious B.I.G. The player name drops and the lines on this track are just so hilarious. "You nibble on my double dribble or alley-oop and monster dunk / Or Isaiah, say ya prayer when I step inta your lair / Leave the lane clear; I'm welfare like Lambeer."

The one thing that always confused me about the lyrics was the Bill Paxton reference.  Surely Biggie meant John Paxon right? How do you get that wrong? Or is there something about Bill Paxton's basketball prowess I'm missing? Coqui!