Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this

My friend was talking to me about how she was surprised to find that she felt a lack of forward motion in her life without work. And another friend talked about how much he realized his self worth is attached to the notion of having a traditional (respected) job. Having no familiarity to either of these two mindsets, I was curious how self esteem in a career can bleed over to so many other aspects of a person's potential happiness.

My happiness and esteem aren't tied to doing anything work related at all, which is ironic considering I'm such a fan of Rand, who espouses productivity. In fact, the entire crux of her philosophy is separating out the men (and women) who achieve versus the second handers who leech onto them. I guess if you take a fuller look at what Rand meant by productivity, there's more nuance, but it can hardly be argued by my defenders -- you exist right? -- that I'm been productive by any definition of the word.

"It means the consciously chosen pursuit of a productive career, in any line of rational endeavor, great or modest, on any level of ability. It is not the degree of a man's ability nor the scale of his work that is ethically relevant here, but the fullest and most purposeful use of his mind."

That calls into question exactly what my self worth is tied into. Acceptance? It's not possessions. It's not looks. It's not romantic relationships. It's not really family. Friends certainly but in conglomeration and not individuals. Status? Achievements? Obviously everyone is a combination of all the above, but what would be that one thing that takes up the majority of it? For one friend, and maybe for a lot of my friends, it's work.

For me it's _______.

I talked to Eric online the other night and he was telling me about the songs he's been putting out. After last year's Comic Con, we compared some notes on creative projects and things to focus on. I love talking to Eric because he's always interested in process and motivation. Somewhere in there I told him that I think what separates a lot of people in creative pursuits is simply having produced something. The one thing I'm learning from my writing life is that if you got nothing to show, you got nothing to edit/sell/promote/work on.

Since that conversation, Eric told me that he's been setting aside time to write each week and has kicked out almost a hundred songs since. That's inspiring. And complaining about not having enough time shouldn't be a viable excuse for anyone. I mean, the man has a family and four kids, he's got more responsibility and less time than anyone I know.

I recently have invented a billion excuses to not write. The desk feels weird, the monitor feels cramped, my eyes are strained. Well, that period will be over. I need some grist in the mill to get the grind on. I have no idea what that really means, "get the grind on," but it feels appropriate.