Having recently read an article about loneliness in urban cities, specifically New York, I've been asking all my friends how lonely they feel here. Some of them aren't lonely at all, with social obligations that pack up their schedules and solid friendship circles. Some of them are lonely even admist the busy-ness. A few of them have to get back to me on the question. Most everyone agrees that having things to do has nothing to do with if you're actually alone or not. I find that for some peopke, loneliness often comes down to just not having anyone around for a Saturday night or a Sunday brunch. When you feel like doing something but can't find the right people to do it with, that's lonely, right?
Unrelated to the above, my Saturday was spent in a most unexpected fashion. I thought I was going to an indie film fest, and had various people and events lined up -- which eventually all fell through. The day started with a baby shower. Baby showers are good for free food, not so good for non-baby making people. There had to be once upon a time when baby showers were just for women right? I object to this "bring the men" mentality to baby showers and bridal things.
The divide between single people and married people with kids seems to be incredibly huge. It's no wonder friendships stall and social lives shrivel up. What's there in common? To witness a baby shower in Manhattan was kind of interesting though, as I've increasingly been told that the island is mostly a kid free zone. It's true actually. Unless you count teenagers as kids, there's hardly any children about. I don't know how I missed this before.
Related to this, a friend who recently had her first child sent a few of us a many thousands of words email detailing her experience. It was epic in scope and detailed in description. Ladies, if you are thinking of birthing a child, allow me to share this piece with you as it's really a must-read item. Hopefully I won't offend her by excerpting a bit here: "Birth was terrible, agonizing, and it nearly destroyed me mentally. I want to slap all the people who told me 'don't worry, you'll forget all the pain once the baby is born -- it's all worth it!' I will never ever say 'it's worth it' to anyone, this is my vow."
As Saturday night's plans fell apart, I found myself trailing along to two birthday parties. We didn't really know any of the people in question but they were good exercises in getting to know people. The first one, hosted by someone my friend had met just hours earlier, was an awkward mess in the beginning. I wasn't entirely sure why we were at a quiet bar with a cozy group of nobody we knews but eventually the ice was broken and somehow we ended up having them drive us uptown to the other party.
That other party was in Murray Hill, and the almost club was packed with lame-o's and people that would normally make me turn heel and run. But the space in the back was better and there was some dancing involved. The real problem wasn't the venue or the crowd, since I've spent many a night in this type of environment, but really how I should probably learn to just suck it up once in awhile. I have this face, the face of distaste, that I tend to wear in these situations. It's sour.
After waiting at the bar for thirty minutes -- "water, on the rocks" -- I had no interest in dancing and sat down to chat with a random. My friend was having fun though, so that meant mission accomplished. Afterward we trekked over to K-Town for late night eats. My friend's friend, whom I've met twice over the course of this week, does a nice combination of sweet, sheltered, impassioned, and feisty. I think they'd go well together.
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