This is 38

Recent changes I’ve made to my lifestyle: I wake up anywhere from 10-11AM (as I mentioned in my last post), I don’t sleep in late, I’m rarely not in bed by midnight or so. I swim as many days as I can, just laps laps laps. I am looking into buying a house. I am looking into getting a real-ish type job. I looked into transferring my credits to UMich for graduation, I sewed a button onto my shorts the other day. I learned how to put air in my tires. Basically, I’m heavy duty adulting!

What brought about this change? Well, to be honest, it’s age. About a year ago, I was at the crossroads of figuring out what to do. With a late thirties birthday looming, I was trying to figure out if I could keep on doing what I did — running around, running away, keeping it moving — or if I would have to tack the other direction, which would equal settling down and figuring shit out.

Well, the germination of the idea was there last year, even if I wasn’t really thinking about actual stuff until a few months later. But the thought of continually running around was getting tiring, I must admit, even if I still thought I might have one more go in me. But as it turns out, maybe not, since New York didn’t hold much appeal for me this past summer.

And to be honest, since turning thirty-eight just a month or so ago, everything just screams that I need to stay put somewhere. Like now I’m a tag-a-long to adult dinners with my mom, I am seeking out older people’s advice, and I am, like, making actual plans for the future. This is like kind of all shocking stuff. Especially when I'm catching friends up on events if we haven't communicated in awhile.

People, you wouldn’t even recognize me anymore. And not just because I shaved my head again — a return to my bald form that hasn’t been seen since late 2013. Oh yeah, I even put my hands on a shovel and gardened one day, helping AMR and George clear some tubers in their front yard. I willingly touched dirt, cue the apocalypse!

In addition, I’m basically a recluse. I don’t go out anywhere, I stay at home all day, and there’s only one friend I see with any regularity. This one friend is like the activities coordination for many things, so she’s always inviting me to stuff, which I appreciate. But so far I've only done a few things, like gone downtown once, attended a trivia night, saw a play, popped into to my other friend’s book release, went to an art show, and stumbled through a dance class. Plus I play basketball weekly, as of three weeks ago.

And that’s about it. What I should be doing with all this free time is writing, and I mean to get to it, but I’ve been focusing on setting up a new podcast — The Redo, coming soon! — and otherwise have been trying to fill the day with odds and ends. The hours really stretch when you wake up early doesn’t it? I wouldn’t say I’m more productive, by any measure, but by 4PM I’m usually looking around for something to do.

Stuff like read a book, watch a Netflix series, listen to some podcasts, I dunno, anything to just kill time I guess. This is in direct contrast to George and AMR, who moved back to Poway a week before I arrived, and are quite busy setting up their house, taking care of a baby, and adjusting to their new life. I see them once or twice a week, and seeing as George’s Wednesdays are now her “off” days, sometimes we hit the mall or something. Or go to Home Goods, which is apparently an almost biweekly trip for George and my mom.

Today I re-watched The Big Short, and tried to figure out what I was doing in September of 2008, as the world economy was about to collapse. Basically I was living in San Diego but was visiting San Francisco for Tien’s wedding and our thirtieth birthday. I had just come off a magical August re-visit to New York, which would plant the seeds for me eventually moving out there.

I believe I was pulling unemployment that year — and had just sold a book — and so was living high bouncing back and forth between San Diego and San Francisco a lot. So yeah, as the subprime mortgage crisis was occurring, I was having the time of my life. Oh right, but that was also right around when big shit was going down on the friend/romantic side, and that also jump started me getting the hell out of San Diego the following year, and setting off the so-called "golden triangle" of hopping. What a time.

Anyway, I’m back in San Diego. For awhile I think. Yay?

"I find that it often feels like critics use the city of San Diego as a lens through which to understand the Chargers’ weaknesses — lazy! Too much sun! Head in the clouds! — but I see the opposite: The Chargers’ stadium turmoil is the best way to understand San Diego. It is the second-largest city in California and eighth-largest in the United States, yet it continues to struggle to define itself outside of the weather and Anchorman references. Instead, San Diego is characterized by sweeping generalizations — 'America’s Finest City,' 'a bland, happy place' — the way politicians combine words to form platitudes that fail to say anything at all."
-A Preemptive Farewell to the San Diego Super Chargers-

Oi, Oi, Oi

And I’m back, squarely in San Diego and soaking in the sun. So far my routine consists of waking up at a reasonable hour — before 11AM, which is a miracle for me — drinking a bottle of Soylent for lunch (not a total meal replacement, unfortunately), and then lounging around until I take a daily dip in the pool. I’ve been back for about a month now, since returning from Brazil, and basically haven’t done much. Well, let’s rewind, back to Brazil.

So after two months in New York, I bounced down to South America in the beginning of August and landed in Sao Paolo. The reason? To see my friends! Two of my best friends from Taiwan happen to be Taiwanese-Brazilian and this was a chance to visit both of them. The trip down is surprisingly easy, with a direct flight from New York to GRU airport in Sao Paolo taking just ten hours or so. (Anything under ten hours is a short flight these days.)

My main fear would be that I’d emerge from the airport and be immediately lost, but my friend assured me if I just got my bags and headed outside, she would find me. And indeed she did, at 7AM no less. From there, we booked it to the bus station to pick up our other friend, who was arriving via bus from her hometown, sixteen hours away. So basically I had a shorter trip from the U.S. to South America than my friend had traveling across the wide expanse of Brazil. Did you know Brazil is actually bigger than the contiguous United States, so asking what Brazil is like is similar to asking “What’s America like?” There’s the coastal bits, the middle barren parts, and of course the rainforests, which were nowhere near where I went.

Rio was hosting the Olympics at this exact same time, but I avoided that of course. All the images of Brazil that flutter over to us — the beaches, the favelas, Carnival — were nowhere to be found. Instead I was in Sao Paolo for a week, which is considered the New York of Brazil. (Although I found it, at first pass, more like San Francisco.) During that time, I didn’t venture out much at night, because it’s dangerous, but did get to spend the week crashing at my friend’s new apartment watching Stranger Things and Gilmore Girls, before relocating to a beautiful AirBnB-ed loft apartment that overlooked the city.

And then a week in, I took the sixteen hour bus ride myself from Sao Paolo to Ponta Pora, which is way on the other side of the country, on the border of Paraguay and Brazil. My friend’s family lives on the Paraguay side, running an import/export business, and I spent the rest of my time there.

For the most part, Ponta Pora is a city that exists solely to import stuff from the Paraguay side to the Brazil side. Also, it’s the drug delivery center for Paraguay, so it’s also quite dangerous, with drug related killings happening quite often. I was assured “normal” people were never harmed though, during these incidents. One wild thing about Brazil/Paraguay is that the news outlets have no compunction against publishing the goriest photos of crime scenes and killings. It’s quite a shock to see the grisly images splashed on the front pages.

I spent most of my days hanging out, talking with D’s family, watching their daily life unfold, and getting to see a side of small town Brazil that most people wouldn’t experience. The entire town is only twenty thousand people, but in actuality it wasn’t that small, despite what D had advertised before. I had thought no movie theater would mean it's tiny, but really it's just like say, a Rancho Bernardo, minus the neighboring communities.

It was interesting to be immersed in a culture that I understood very little about, and to be in an environment where I understood nothing. From how banks worked, to all the armed guards at every place of business, to how people thought about various things (especially their views on race and ethnicity). It felt like the first few months in Taiwan, where everything was interesting simply by it being new and different.

Overall I found myself adapting to the rhythm of each day, and it coincided nicely with the kind of quiet I was looking for. And I turned from a late-night person into a semi-normal time person. I haven't really lived with another family for so long, not since my time in England, and D's family's strict mealtimes and schedules was a change for me. But like I said, I adapted pretty easily. I think.

And I found it very interesting to learn more about the families who moved from Taiwan to Brazil, seeking a better future and finding it in creation of their own businesses. Nowadays when we overthink every decision to go from even one coast to the other, it's hard to fathom how parents of our generation just picked up and left their home country, without any language, any prior conception of their destination, and often with no money in their pocket. Immigrants are so brave.

While originally I wasn't sure how long I'd be down there, I ended up coming back to the U.S. after about six weeks. And on the day before I left, I turned thirty-eight. And thus I turned into an adult. But more on that later. Here’s more about my trip down south, from the other blog. And with that, "boa noite!"

Summer Blues

Alright, let’s do this. Hello May, June, July, where did you go? Well, May was seriously just buckling down and doing not all that much. I hosted a board game night at my house, saw the one old friend I basically have left here once or twice, and then got my shit together and ready to head out in June. But not before a quickie weekend trip to Los Angeles to meet up with some friends who were driving down from San Francisco.

The highlight was clearly going to the newly opened Harry Potter World at Universal Studios, but exploring  East LA was fun too. My friends AirBnBed a spot in Silver Lake and from there we set off on food adventures. With my friend cruise directoring the whole thing, it was very easy to just show up and eat. Throughout the whole trip we talked about how much appeal East LA had to us as a place to move to. Short answer: with the rise of Uber, and much less driving, it’s a lot!

For the full PotterWorld review and some more talk about (potentially) living in Los Angeles, listen to episode one of my forthcoming podcast with newish friend extraordinaire, Margot. Oh wait, I haven’t built that podcast yet. But I’m gonna get on it when I get the chance. I even bought a fancy new microphone to have better sound quality. So yeah, new podcast, arriving soon!

Teaser: I’m Ravenclaw.

Heading into June, I packed up everything into my standard suitcase and duffle bag and headed off to New York. Originally I was hoping to move in with my old roommate in Fort Greene but that plan didn’t come together so after some Craigslist and Facebook Group searching, I found a sublet in Stuy Town, on 18th Street and Avenue C. (I went through my week-by-week in New York on the other blog, so I’ll skim through most of it here. Just the highlights!)

Oh, before I got over to New York, I stopped by Indiana for two nights, to see my uncle and talk some business stuff. Get business stuff cleared up mostly. I had been there four years before, when I was just starting to work seriously with the company again. The experience this time was understandably different, and I didn’t 100% need to go, but it was good to stop by. Also, Obama was in town for a speech too, so the whole town was riled up, in a good and bad way. Put it this way, I’d never spoken to so many non-Obama people before. Eye opening. We all live in our bubbles eh?

The two big things I was in New York for was my friend’s wedding in late June and the bachelor party two weeks prior. I popped in the night before the bachelor party and then cruised over to my first burlesque show for the coed festivities.

My ex was there, and I made it even more awkward by not just stepping up right away and saying hello. So basically throughout the entire night — and the wedding itself — we just ignored each other. While this might have been fine on both parts, it seemed like not the right thing to do. Even a cordial “hi” would probably have been adult. Lesson learned: Just get the awkwardness out of the way early so that it fades. Instead I just let it linger. Seeing as last time we spoke we were literally fighting, maybe ignoring each other was the best. Anyways… Beautiful wedding, and I got to be a groomsman for the second time. Plus I wore a tux for the first time ever!

Most of early June was sucked up by the NBA Playoffs, which made me get out of the house — in search of a television — and also to see random friends here and there. My main go-to hang out buddy was my friend from Taiwan, as he had also just moved to New York from Taiwan. With our flexible schedules, we wandered around a lot, hitting up random Chinese food places to rate them, and getting boba.

I also got to visit JMZ and Jenn’s new house out in Brooklyn. It’s very homey, just like their old spot, and they’ve got a boatload of work to do to the backyard, the studio, and the basement. I can’t imagine ever owning a house where I have to do any improvements. I mean, can you? I can barely install a shower head. But JMZ and Jenn are well equipped for the job. A big highlight of June was seeing their upstairs neighbor’s performance of Eclipsed on Broadway. A reminder of the type of stuff that I can’t get elsewhere.

However, something was wrong as soon as I settled into New York. The streets were chaotic, dirty, and people bugged me all around. I thought the feeling would fade but it really didn’t. By the end of June, I was already plotting to get out of New York, cutting short my summer stay. But you already know that. (Since I’m backdating this and now on an entirely different continent.)

By July 4th, I knew I was heading out at the end of the month. So I made efforts to cram in as much as possible before I left. And in a shocker, I headed to the beach twice. After never going to any beach in New York before. The first time was to Long Beach, where my friend and I spent hours on the sand, sitting on beach chairs, chatting away, and never even getting in the water. The second time, my friend who had acquired a car to go with her parking spot — a super backwards move that makes sense only in Manhattan — wanted to get out for the weekend so we headed to Fire Island and spent a wonderful day lounging on the beach.

Both times made strong arguments for adding “beach” to further New York agendas. But only if you have someone to drive you there. No way I can stomach sitting on a train to the beach and back. Sorry,  I still prefer my beach less than ten minutes away.

Other July highlights: a five hour karaoke night that was just epic in energy, song selection, and personnel; going to watch Wicked for the fifth time; pulling a major favor from my friend to jam seven of us into her eighteen-seat restaurant, and then my first experience with Sleep No More. And then the night before I left, I had one of those New York nights I missed so much but didn’t really find much of this summer. It wasn’t even an all nighter or anything, but started off with a group dinner with friends and then spun out into some walking around, followed by grouping up different people at a bar/restaurant for fun conversation, and all the while adding/losing people — including my friend who just landed from Taiwan. The night ended around one in the morning, with a late night Flushing run scratched due to weather and fatigue, but it left me with the sense that the magic wasn’t gone. (I mean, is it ever gone in New York? Never completely right?)

Anyway, what is that called? A whiff of a memory? A glimpse of promise? Whatever it was, I was on a plane eighteen hours later, on my way to Brazil.

The Catch Up

Whoa, it’s May already! And not one single blog entry from your second-favorite intermittent blogger! How will anyone know what I’m up to, or what I’ve been doing, or what I’ve been thinking or where I’ve been?! The easy answer is, “Nobody cares!” The easier answer is, “I’ve been in Taiwan!” The easiest answer is, “I haven’t been doing anything, or thinking, or going anywhere!” That last bit isn’t true actually. I’ve been places. As you’ll see.

So, life update 2016, five months in, this is where we stand... I’m back in the United States. Good old U-S-A. To be honest, it’s jarring here sometimes, and I’m not 100% sure I want to be here. But the first week back was glorious. I reveled in driving to the grocery store. I loved Costco. I was so over Taiwan that my last few months were spent basically holed up in my mom’s apartment, emerging mainly to eat. So it was wonderful to feel bathed in American convenience and choices. And suburban lifestyle ain't bad for a second.

Somewhere along the way I stopped staying up super late at night and going out to clubs three times a week. In fact, I could probably count the number of times I went “out” in 2016 on one hand. Partially it was because I was having some back problems so uninterrupted sleeping was an adventure, but mostly because Taiwan was feeling too same old, same old.

I basically had a handful of people I was trying to see on a regular basis and that was it. Taiwan was over for me. It was super fun while it lasted but I felt dull inside and intellectually/creatively uninspired. Taipei is a wonderful city but bursting with vivacity it is not.

It was a good run for me though. November 2014 till March 2016. That’s a year and four months, minus maybe two months for when I was in the U.S. in August and November 2015. That’s the longest I’ve stayed put in one place since 2012-3. Back then it was a year and three months in New York. What’s funny is that I’m basically headed right back to New York, maybe even sliding back into my old apartment, with my ex-roommate. So, if things work out, hello roomie (again), hello New York (again), and hello Fort Greene (again).

In the meantime, I’ve been buckled down in San Diego for most of April, since returning in late March from Taiwan and immediately attending a friend’s fabulous Indian wedding in Arizona. Most of my tasks here have involved super cleaning my room — my mom is demanding it all be boxed up — and I finished that task a week ago. The Junk Fairy, the name of the father-son hauling company, came by to grab all my trash and now the rest of my possessions are in sixteen small boxes in the garage. I had thought my room was pretty clean before — since my mom was constantly making us clean things out when we came home — but apparently my room still had a ton of shit in it. Good bye heavy books, good bye old clothes, good bye irreplaceable sentimental items, DVDs, shelves full of toys, and other assorted crap. I didn’t quite go full on Kondo but I definitely decluttered the hell out of my room.

Note: I am approaching thirty-eight and still have a room at my mom’s house. That should probably change. It's far past a cautionary tale at this point. There are rumors that I’ll be trying to find a more permanent solution to my perpetual housing situation, but for now those are just rumors. I have felt a shift in myself though. Like I need a home base. Or at least a place to settle down. I may not have to stay there all the time, but when I need to go someplace I should go there/here. Sort of like Avengers Tower or something. Of course I would then need to get a job, to get some Stark money. And you know, grow up. I wonder what my credit rating is like...

In other news, I’m an uncle! Little Greta has bonded our family together like never before and with nothing else to speak about we can always just show each other photos of Greta. She is pretty much the cutest baby in the world, and I say that not even as her parent but as a slightly biased third party. I mean, objectively speaking, she’s pretty damn cute. Where else are you going to find a quarter-Persian, quarter-German-ish, half-Chinese baby?

I’ve only met her once, at the Arizona wedding, and she cried her little heart out each time because I’m terrible with babies. But I’m getting better. AMR and George are moving back to San Diego in the fall so Great will be raised on a pseudo-ranch with animals and wood shops and then when she comes of (teenage) age I will swoop into her life and teach her all things My So Called Life and well, My So Called Life.

People keep saying that I’ll get to be the cool uncle but Greta already has a cool uncle (AMR’s brother) and so I’ll have to think of another role for me to play. Maybe if I just write a book with her in it that will do. Of course, I'll have to write another book again. In the next thirteen years or so. That should be enough time right?

I’ve been trying to to rethink my writing career. As in, relaunch it. Jump start? Get it off ice? I can't even think in English anymore. Basically it's been ten years since my first book came out and I've not much to show for it, and so I’m gonna have a new name and everything to start over. Related, I’m overdue on a book proposal to Lilly, which I said I would finish before I left for the Philippines. A month and a half later, vacation tan faded and still no proposal. Old dog, same tricks.

Oh yeah, I went to the Philippines in March. Boracay to be exact. You can read all about it here. And also in January my friend came over from Maryland to take us on a road trip up the eastern coast of Taiwan. I’m sure I’ll post about that too. Actually Taiwan has been full of visitors for me. My New York friend also came out for a long weekend or so in January, and then in February my Bay Area friend hopped over from Japan to do writing retreat for two weeks. I’ll let you guess how much writing we did. The good news is that I got her working on her My So Called Life life spreadsheet. So that’s something.

And now I sit in my (fast) wifi hole and watch the NBA playoffs while trying to organize my life. The only due date on this year is late June, when I'm a groomsmen at a wedding, and other than that I'm a free agent. My heart is in Brazil, figuratively, but I'm not ready to go there yet. I feel the need for New York's energy and culture, something I've basically been empty on for the past year. And then what happens? I don't know. My plans have always been arbitrary, my goals non-existent, like I said I would be leaving Taiwan when so-and-so left. And now it's left. So what now?

Hi Greta!

Ways and Means: Jan - Mar 2016

Here we go, another Ways and Means, you know you love it! With my time in Taiwan ending, I thought it would be good to go over my last few months there, which perfectly spanned January through March. I got back to the U.S. on March 29th and then jetted off to Phoenix for a wedding, but mostly these numbers reflect my time in Taiwan. Teaser: I am living beyond my means, as usual!

January wasn’t too bad, I reset my variable budget, pushing it up to $1,750 a month. Of course, I still went over, but it wasn’t tooooo bad, compared to what was to come. For January I was just 15% over the proposed budget. I was right on target for food, shopping, and miscellaneous, and even under in play! Of course, food was way over by $300+. Couldn’t be helped though. With just a few months left in Taiwan, I had to eat everything.

The most expensive meal of the month wasn’t even a full meal, just a Japanese yakiniku place that we wandered into on a rainy night. With nothing else open, we popped into Da-Wan 大腕燒肉專門店, not really knowing what it was. And although the prices were relatively high, we decided to just make a night of it and ordered some delicious meats. It was, in a word: superb. The menu was a rolled up piece of leather and your own server grilled each of the meats while explaining what everything was. Delicious! Plus, the grilled corn was probably the best corn I’ve had in years. While it wasn’t a full meal, and made a dent in the wallet, you gotta live a little right?

Also, January was the month that I started using Uber in Taiwan. Despite previously questioning why there was a need for Uber in a city filled with cheap taxis, I became an Uber convert because it was much much cheaper. Like each ride was 70% of a taxi, at least. And sometimes 50% of the normal fare for longer hauls. Despite getting charged a small foreign fee for each Uber ride (I only had a foreign credit card), the cost of taking an Uber was still much lower than taxi-ing everywhere. Needless to say, I Uber-ed a lot. Aside from that, January was simple, with just the usual expenditures and a shopping spree at Forever 21 to start the month.

Oh, another reason January was so low was that we spent a week road tripping through the Eastern coast of Taiwan, visiting Taitung, Green Island, and Hualien. That trip — under the Annual tab — cost about $400 including hotels, scooter rental, ferry tickets, and gas. My friend paid for the rental car, so that was very nice. Overall, January was a rousing success!

And actually, February was much the same, minus a trip to keep my numbers even more honest. For February I was even on transportation, shopping, and play, while slightly under in miscellaneous. Was this a miracle, was my budgeting working?!? Well, not quite. I still got up to 120% for the month, mostly with another food overage in excess of $300+.

This time the high mark was this fantastic hot pot place that was frankly worth every penny. From the decor to the service to the food, Elixir Health Pot 無老鍋 was so good. Unfortunately I never got to go back but I sure would recommend it! Taking out that $100 dinner (for three I might add), the rest of my meals averaged $14 for the month. So yeah, that’s how cheap Taiwan is. That’s basically eating whatever I wanted when I wanted, including pricier fare such as Korean BBQ, dim sum, Italian spots, and iyazakas.

My friend told me that the purchasing power of Taiwan was basically 1:3, which seems about right. For what you’d get here in the United States for $3, you can expect to pay $1. Not bad eh?

February also saw me go visit the hospital / clinic a few times, for acupuncture and a massage. I began having serious back problems in January and thought maybe some holistic medicine would help. Since I don’t have Taiwanese insurance, an acupuncture session at the local hospital cost $60 — compared to just $3 if you have insurance — and that’s comparable to U.S. prices. The full body massage, done by blind people under Taipei Main MRT, was about half that. I hate massages so this was an abnormal expense for me, but I had to find out what was going on with my back. Note: I wish I had gone to a dentist in Taiwan to see how much that was, I think it was maybe $20 for a cleaning, even without insurance. Now you know why everyone goes back to Taiwan to get their medical cards: it’s super cheap.

Oh right, and what is a month without a shopping extravaganza at Forever 21? I dropped $250 there, between me and some gifts, and it was a fantastic time. My wardrobe thanks me! Overall for the month I spent approximately 120% of my budget.

And then there’s March. It was ugly, like 155% ugly. That doesn’t even include a week long trip to the Philippines, which cost roughly $2,200 total. I’ll break that down later. As usual, food was $300+ over, which means I should really change my food budget obviously.

The big back breaker was shopping, which I went way over by like 200% almost. Some of that was buying stuff for vacation: swimsuits, a suitcase that would serve double duty for my trip back to the States, and then stuff I wanted to bring back home such as glasses, contacts, and spare t-shirts. The biggest expense in the shopping category was $180 for new tattoos. And as we know, tattoos are priceless so it was money well worth spending. Also, I was stupid and left my laptop charger back in Taiwan so had to money up $85 for a new laptop charger. Can’t live without the laptop right? Actually, despite March seeming so high over-budget, it was mostly just shopping.

So let’s look at our trip to Boracay. First, never fly Air Asia, it was a mess. Due to trying to book their flights and scheduling for the ferry to Boracay, I basically had to purchase totally new tickets twice, there and back. Let’s just say that their idea of timeliness for a flight was anywhere from three to eight hours delayed. Or the flight was cancelled altogether. I ended up spending a night at the Manila airport, and had to rebook to fly back out at 7AM. In all, flights from Taipei to Boracay, a mere 900 miles away (SD to SF is 450 miles) took literally a whole day plus $1,200+ dollars. The whole reason we chose to go to the Philippines was because the flights were cheaper than to Thailand, but instead we ended up paying about the same, if not more. Lesson learned: Don’t go to the Philippines.

The good news is that once we got to Boracay things were super cheap. Like $400 for five nights at a comfortable hotel, $200 for food and a similar amount for play, and then about an extra $100 in transportation and shopping costs. Boracay was lovely by the way, but full of tourists. It’s definitely got some of the most beautiful beaches in the world but the hassle of getting over there nearby ruined the trip.

Overall, Jan - Mar 2016 ended up looking like this:

• Food: $3,050
• Shopping: $2,000
• Transportation: $1,350
• Play: $1,000
• Misc: $400
• Annual: $2,900

Plus about $900 in fixed expenses per month and we’re looking at an average of $4,450 per month spent in the first three months of 2016. Ouch. I believe that works out to a $69k lifestyle, and was significantly higher than how I lived in 2015. Time to start cutting back! Or make more money I guess…